The Las Vegas Lowdown: The Female Tourist Misstep

As I’ve navigated my way from Australia to Fiji, I can’t seem to stop uttering mental thank-you’s to all of my fellow travelers and readers out there. Reading your blogs and messages with tips and suggestions about where to go and what to do has significantly eased the stress of this adventure. I am so grateful to have such a gracious following and have been touched by the offers I’ve received for guides in each city.

As a solo female traveler, I often have to rely on the kindness of others for directions or advice, but the generosity I have received has been paramount in making this journey a memorable one!

I can’t wait to share with you all that has gone on, but while I wait for more consistent internet access, I’ve decided to give back to you the only way that I know how: by sharing my knowledge base. You’ve been so kind as to share with me your advice on your home cities, now it’s my turn to do the same.

This is the first of a new series of blogs I’m calling The Las Vegas Lowdown. I’ve grown up in Vegas, spent time in every casino, seen almost every show, and know where the best tables, food, and drink specials are at. It’s time to unleash the hidden secrets of Vegas that locals never wanted you to know about. I may be banned from The Artifice for such candid advice but I am willing to take that risk. Plus, you deserve to have the best vacation experience in Sin City possible… so why not take it straight from the metaphorical showgirl’s mouth?

Let’s begin with a problem that has long annoyed me about Vegas female tourists…

The Las Vegas Lowdown: The Female Tourist Misstep

Every week, Vegas is crawling with beautiful women looking to have a good time with their pals down on The Strip. And as much as I applaud looking to have a good time, there is one major faux pas that every female tourist seems to fall victim to: walking down The Strip in their six-inch high heels.

Why is this bad?

Well, let me start by informing you that The Strip is approximately 4 miles long (6.4 km) and much more easily accessible by foot than taxi. And that distance isn’t including all the hoofing you will be doing around each casino or Fremont Street every night. I would never think to walk four miles in my most comfortable heels, let alone that racy pair in the back of my closet that makes me look like a stripper. If you’re going to be walking all that way (and let’s be honest, at some point you will), you need something more comfortable.

No, that’s okay. I want to look cute. I’ll deal with it. I’m great at walking in heels.

Uh-huh. I’ve heard that before. Let me tell you how this story ends (as I’ve watched it many a time while sipping on my tea at The Beat). You are whining incessantly in your drunk stupor for four miles down Las Vegas Boulevard. You spend every available second begging your burliest friend to carry you back to the room. When they don’t agree you end up taking off your stilettos, opting to go barefoot. Now you are in pain, your friends are annoyed with you, and you’re carrying your shoes in one hand while trying not to spill your drink that’s in the other.

Well that’s not so bad… is it?

This is probably the most nauseating scene for me when it comes to observing all the dirty things that happen in Vegas (and that’s saying a lot). Let me explain…

That very sidewalk that you have chosen to walk bare-soled down will be trampled by 40 MILLION other people this year alone. Make sure you’re watching out for used needles, broken glass, that guy who’s puking a few feet away, and other gross things discarded by the thousands of surrounding tourists. You’re lucky if you walk away without Hepatitis. Just saying…

Please don’t misunderstand; I love my city and while it may be full of ‘sin’, it is not a bad place. Downtown is cleaned after the rambunctious tourists go to bed in the wee hours of the afternoon to prepare for another night of debauchery. But even with this comfort, you need to be sensible. You’re choosing to walk barefoot down a street infamous for the parties it’s seen. I’m advising you make a different choice.

So what do I do instead?

Here’s the secret all Vegas girls carry around with them in their over-sized purses: an extra pair of comfortable shoes. When we start schlepping down LVB, we chuck our heels into our bags and continue on our merry way in flip-flops. Or, when we dress to go out we wear outfits that don’t require a heel to complete. We know the drill and now you do too. Keep an extra pair of comfortable flats handy or plan outfits that look just as cute with sandals. I promise you will have a better time and your friends will wish they had thought of it!

Okay. Thanks, Hilary, but I’m a guy… This article doesn’t apply to me…

As it just so happens, my male compadre, it does. You need to be aware of this because you’re going to be the one stuck listening to the girls in your group complain and cry about their tired, achy feet. And they’re probably going to try and snag a piggyback ride back to your hotel. Be aware of the danger and make them throw shoes in their bag (even if they protest) to avoid the drama. Plus, drunk girls and heels don’t mix well anyway, so save yourself a night of babysitting and enlighten your amigas. You’ll be that mysterious man who knows things he shouldn’t and they’ll love you for it (well… I’m not so sure about that but you get the idea). Plus I’m an equal opportunist. As far as I know, you enjoy sashaying in platforms as much as Twisted Sister. Just covering all of my bases here.

Alright, are we all on the same page now? No more barefoot strutting down the boulevard. So if I see you moseying past New York, New York in your platforms, you better be ready to commit to it!

I hope you found this helpful. I’m looking forward to sharing more need-to-know tips on the fun, fresh, and forbidden here in Vegas! In the meantime, happy adventuring, my fellow vagabonds!

*Do you have a question about visiting Vegas? Interested in finding the best shows? Want to dine at the local-approved restaurants or explore places other than the Strip? No worries; this is only the first of many posts to come! E-mail me your questions and I’ll be sure to blog about it. Bring it on!


35 thoughts on “The Las Vegas Lowdown: The Female Tourist Misstep

  1. Is that last picture a modeling picture?
    In my city there are a lot of cobblestone so the girls here have already learned the flat-shoe trick x)

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  3. Biggest Vegas adventure: March 2008: Me and 7 bartender buddies converge onto Vegas and go to Body English at Hard Rock on a Sunday night. After watching Naughty By Nature, Young Joc, and Gorilla Zoe perform, I was “asked to leave” and because I left my cash card back at the hotel, had to walk back to the Flamingo at 4 am. I got back to the hotel at 6:30 am (8:30 back home) and called my work to let them know I got home ok. LOLz fun stuff.

  4. Love this!!! Informing and entertaining at the same time. Xou definately have a new follower. Keep up the good work! πŸ™‚ Peggy

  5. So, so funny. Another tip from my experience 14 years ago: If you are going to get married and wear a snow beast dress, dont hail a taxi. You wont fit. Hail the mini van.

    • Wow! Hadn’t heard that one before, but it does seem practical enough. Well, as practical as Vegas gets ;).

      One day I’ll have to hear the full version of this story! Thanks so much for commenting.

  6. Laughed my ass off reading this. If I had a dollar for every time I had to carry a drunken mess in heels home I could pay for the damage it has done to my back. Good Blog, but now your making me want to come back to Vegas and party.

    • Haha, whoohoo! I should ask for a commission from the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce for all of the business I’m going to drum up for them.

      And I’m glad to have your opinion on the matter. I’ve always wondered if it’s really bothered the friends to have to carry the drunk girls home. I always just assumed so.

      Hope you’re well!

  7. Definitely agree with your suggestion of carrying extra shoes. There’s so many alternatives to painful feet…a pair of flip flops or Dr Scholl’s ballet flats to name a few. Can’t imagine that people actually walk barefoot. Ouch!
    Hope you’re doing well,

    • Yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous. Those Dr. Scholl’s flats were the best invention ever! And mostly they choose to go barefoot after six tequila shots in. I’m sure most of them don’t even remember it, honestly.

      I hope you’re well also, my dear! I will e-mail you shortly with an update. Things have been crazy on my end. Are you back in Brisbane?

      • Looking forward to getting that email! I’m back in prison….aka, school. The weather has gotten significantly colder since you left, so I had to pull out my winter jacket and sweaters. Who would’ve thought that I’d be wearing a jacket in Australia…..

        • Oh my goodness! It must have sense the end of our good times together and therefore gotten chilly as a result. I’m pretty sure the meteorologists will back me up on this one. =)

          E-mail IS coming. I swear. Give me another week. Stay warm!

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  9. Did you just ask Anonymous Burn if she had any dates lined up? I may have some free time to spend with her. πŸ˜‰
    But seriously, my coworkers and I have a fun little game we play at the casino we work at. It is called “Baby Giraffe” and it goes like this- We look for girls walking around that look like they have never walked in heels before and thus look like baby giraffes or horses the first time the newborn tries to stand up on their wobbly little legs.
    Oh sure, it is not ‘nice’ to make fun of people behind their backs but come on, it does help pass the time and make the evening more fun to watch these girls especially after a few drinks are in them.
    So yes Ladies, as always Hilary has offered you some great advice. Use it.

    • Haha, thanks Troy. I’ve never heard of that game, but it does sound like something locals would do. πŸ˜‰

      And I’ll have to ask her… OR you could always ask her yourself. I’m a good blogger, but a pretty terrible matchmaker. No-one’s ever called me Yenta. =)

  10. This is good. I have been to the US a few times but I never grabbed the chance to visit Vegas. I almost did when I was in LA last year. I might just be able to do that next year. I’ll make sure to make you a virtual tour guide! haha.

      • LA was a bit too crowded and too fast. It was good if you’re visiting for the first time. I got quite bored the next time or maybe, I wasn’t brought to the right places. I liked SFO better! I loved it there.

        • Well it sounds like I need to do some blogs on where to go for LA! There’s so much there, but you’re right… if you don’t know it’s there it can be hard to find it. I’m glad you had fun in SFO though! Hopefully you weren’t too scarred to want to come back =).

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